Have you been through a season of heartbreak, disappointment, grief or depression? (maybe you’re in one now and you’re thinking, “uhh…have I EVER??”)
As a young girl, I was completely naive to major hurts and struggles. I was a happy-go-lucky girl with a smile you couldn’t wipe from my face if you tried.
Not that I’m old now by any means, but I just turned 26 on Monday and birthdays have a way of making me feel reflective about my life. This week, I’ve been thinking a lot about the major trials that the last 8 years of my life have brought: my parent’s divorce, the loss of 6 babies through miscarriage, and one failed adoption to be more specific. Of course those years have also provided some HUGE joys (college graduation, marriage, adoption, pregnancy…), but I have spent ample time in the valleys.
It’s exhausting and hard, as you might well know. I got to a point, especially with pregnancy, where I simply expected loss. My sense of hope was depleted and I was stripped of innocence.
I’m in a new season now: An almost one year old baby boy fills our house with giggles and babbles DAILY, the baby in my belly is growing larger (seemingly by the minute), my husband and I just put an offer in on our “dream home,” and simply put: life is good.
What I’m wrestling with now, is that I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with the ‘good.’ I’m prepared and equipped…and admittedly fearful that something catastrophic is looming right around the corner. I’m so conditioned to the loss and pain, that it’s hard for me to let go and enjoy a season of blessing.
There are days when I embrace the blessings better than others.
Days when I stop and smell the sweet shampoo’d boy sitting on my lap as he sucks down a bottle.
Days when I simply sit and really let myself feel this baby girl kick in my belly and journal about the hopes and dreams I have for her life.
Days when I allow myself to feel overcome with thankfulness to the point of tears.
I know I need to enjoy and be present in this part of my journey because only God knows what lies ahead–surely some joy and some sorrow. But so much freedom lies in the here and now! Freedom exists in the moments you grasp and experience fully. I believe we will experience life-to-the-fullest when we allow ourselves to be where we are rather than always trying to anticipate what is next.
I just wanted to encourage you–and myself, mostly–that it’s okay for things to be good. It’s okay for things to be great! You don’t have to feel guilty that you’re feeling blessed if that’s where you are.
In the same way, if life is unraveling don’t feel like you have to hold it all together! We are human. There’s no perfection. Life is a series of seasons strung together, and it’s best lived when we are present in each special one.
I’ll leave you with some famous words from the Bible (also used by the Beatles):
To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.