People are people. We do good things. We do bad things. Sometimes we do both. Sometimes we really have no idea what we are doing. We just do and then things happen.
Most of us don’t wake up in the morning and think, “I think I am going to start some mama drama today.” I like to believe that most people start the day with good intentions.
Pre-kids: I was having breakfast with my mentor and I was telling her about a problem I was having in the office. I lamented about how the drama was draining me. She wisely offered advice, suggested strategies, and at the end she asked, “Are you part of the drama?”
I adamantly denied that I was part of the drama. Everyone likes to deny the drama. Everyone likes to say they don’t like the drama. That they are not “one of those girls.”
But, if I was being really honest with myself, I was part of the drama.
Ask yourself: Are you 100% sure that you are not part of the drama? Ever?
Drama isn’t all bad. It’s exciting and emotional. You find it in books, theater, TV, and real life. It’s a natural part of life.
In most interactions, someone plays the perpetrator, someone plays the victim, and someone the rescuer. Dysfunction can easily happen.
Your friend (the victim) tells you about a problem about another friend (the perpetrator). As you listen to her talk, you become the rescuer offering advice and consoling her. It’s all very innocent and there is nothing wrong with this scenario.
But it doesn’t resolve anything directly with the person causing it (the perpetrator). You run into another mutual friend and you share the story — innocently and out of concern and sympathy. You are now speaking on behalf of your friend (the victim) who has not directly solved the problem with perpetrator. This allows your friend (the victim) to avoid responsibility for problem. (And, in some cases, you are changing roles and becoming the perpetrator).
At least it’s powerless in stopping the problem. It has power in a completely different way — the mama drama kind of power. The power that you don’t want. The power I was claiming to my mentor that I didn’t want to have any part of but was a valuable contributor anyway.
Some of this can happen without issue. A friend shares a story, gets advice from you and speaks with the other person to solve the problem. That is healthy.
As we know, these situations and life aren’t always so simple, and I am sure, as you are reading this, you can think of several examples when it wasn’t so clean and simple.
Every situation is different, but asking yourself if you are part of the mama drama is a great first step to eliminating the powerless mama drama in your life.