How much of our appearance do others judge us by?
How much of our appearance do YOU judge yourself by?
As a woman who has never held the world’s standard body of “beautiful” I have always harshly judged my body and defined myself as unworthy.
As a child I was a skinny, stringy haired girl with a face full of freckles. I felt incredibly ugly and begged for the day when I could wear makeup to cover the freckles and have a “clear face”. Only then, I felt, would I be accepted.
I didn’t stay the skinny girl forever and became the curvy girl, and then I became a mom and I became the softer curvy girl. I only began taking care of my weight after my fourth child was born, but the weight did not come off easy. I battled for years until I attained my goal weight through powerlifting and felt stronger than ever-inside and out, but I did not feel beautiful or worthy. I could look around and see beauty in those around me and I measured myself against them and came up wanting. I would go to the gym and punish myself in my workout to get to the goal of “accepted “.
Life became incredibly stressful due to circumstances beyond my control and the weight began to pile back on despite my daily efforts. I had failed not just myself but everyone.
The wife of a gym owner- fat? Failure.
The former weight loss success story? Failure.
The former “I make my pizza crust with cauliflower now cause I don’t eat carbs”? (Okay well I still don’t eat a lot of carbs and only occasionally do the cauliflower crust because its a huge task!) Failure.
The weight piled on and the comments, stares and smirks came and my failure became an emblazoned F on my heart. I defined myself as a failure, ugly, fat, worthless, hypocrtical woman whose only job was to clean bathrooms.
I’m not really sure when I finally accepted my body for what it is in its current state, but when I did there was an incredible freedom. The burden of carrying others judgements(real or perceived) fell and I stood taller. The burden of punishing myself in my workouts for what I ate the day before or never eating a treat, fell and I was happy.
Your outer covering is not the definition of who you are.
It’s not the clothes you wear, the jiggle in your thigh or belly, the curves you do or don’t have, the number on the scale or the size of your jeans, it’s not the face you were created with or the hair that covers your head.
Mama’s, the definition of who you are is defined by the thoughts that you think, what’s in your heart and the life that you live. Choose to live your life content at where you are at-even if it’s not where you want to be. It doesn’t mean you can’t work at bettering yourself, it just means you can be happy at every stage because the process is worth it and wherever you land is ENOUGH!