I’M DONE ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS

I am 42 years old. I am 42 years old. It doesn’t get any easier the more that I say it. In my 42 years of life, especially in my life as a woman, and as a mother, I find myself apologizing for things. Lots of things. Things that I don’t owe anyone an apology for. And, I’ve decided that after 42 years, I’m going to stop apologizing so much. My twenties were for making my mistakes, now, this is really just who I am. The things I’m done apologizing for (but first let me explain why I’m done, because only monsters go cold turkey)

Submitting this post late: Having a due date on a Monday, my 12 hour work day, is just asking for a late submission. I produce my best work under pressure, so being done early is out of the questions.

Road Rage: People are horrible drivers and it is my duty to let them know so.

Hating Kevin Costner movies: Come on, he is the same character in every movie he is in.

Being 42: Hey guess what, I’m middle aged. I don’t care.

Going to the movies, a lot. In my life, I spend a lot of time engaging with people, and for an introvert, that is exhausting. I need quiet time alone, and enjoying a movie in a quiet theatre alone serves that purpose. During the school year, I go almost every Thursday. I realize the amount of money I’m spending, but I earn that money, and I view it as a viable source of self-care. 

Loving makeup: I realize I’m at a juncture in my life where I’m supposed to start wearing less and less makeup. I never claimed I was going to grow old gracefully. I’ve always loved makeup, and, up until recently, rarely left the house without a full face of makeup. I put lipstick on while I was in labor so I’d look better in my pictures. There is nothing wrong with a little vanity.

Going without makeup: I know, this one sounds a little contradictory, but hear me out. Like I said, I rarely used to leave the house without a face full of makeup. I would spend longer getting ready to go to the store, than I actually would spend at the store. Now, my vanity has become heavily outweighed by my dgaf-ness. 5 days a week, I am fully on. It’s exhausting, and for some reason I have developed rosacea at the age of 40, so I like to let my skin breathe. And like Ghandi said, “If you don’t like it, don’t look at it.” At least I think it was Ghandi….

Loving Chrissy Teigen: My husband and I disagree on this point, because he is not a fan, but I find her hilarious. I love reading her thoughts on Twitter. She is sarcastic, self-deprecating, political, and not afraid to give as good as she gets. If you don’t already follow her, I recommend it.

Being blonde: My natural hair color is somewhere between dark red and silver, but I’ve always colored it blonde.My husband preferred me with my natural color, so I tried many times over the year to embrace my natural state, but it never lasts long. I feel better, more at home as a blonde. And as I’ve gotten older, my hair has gotten whiter. I feel like platinum is the perfect complement to going “gray.” My husband has also finally come around to the dark (light?) side and prefers me blonde now. Ok Grandma? I’m not going red anymore.      

***I originally wrote this almost a month ago, so I am red again. As much as I love being blonde, it is so hard on my hair. I decided to give it a chance to rest for a few months upon close inspection to my split ends. You win the battle Grandma, but I will win the war***                      

 Loving Disney: I know that now is a tumultuous time in Disney’s history, with the claims by employees about their wages, and I really do support a living wage for everyone, but I love Disney. I want to be outraged, but I feel like I’m always outraged. But my kids love Disney. I love my family at Disney. People also talk about the cost to go to DisneyWorld. Yes, it is expensive, in fact, it takes me 2 years to save up to pay for our trip, but it is so worth it. Nothing else matters, when I watch Patrick smile and stand to hug Mickey Mouse.

Admitting being a special needs parent is hard: There’s always a sense of guilt that accompanies complaining about certain aspects of parenting when you’ve got a child with a disability. And, let’s be real, people just don’t get it. But it is hard, and I should be able to talk to my friends about it.

I work, a lot: My job requires a lot of late nights and extra hours. It keeps me from my family more than I’d like, but it pays the bills and allows my husband to stay home full time. It’s not my ideal situation, but it works. 

I curse: I went from working in a technology driven industry to the auto industry. Curse words are used as nouns, adjectives, adverbs, and expletives. You pick these things up. I’ve made it clear to my children that they are grown up words and are not acceptable to be said by littles.

I’m not interested in your mlm gig. I’m not going to sell or buy your product, but I will like your page because I’m not a complete monster.

I love McDonalds Diet Coke: I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, and I don’t smoke. Let me have this! It’s so delicious and refreshing.

My favorite color is glitter: yes, it’s not actually a color. If we must get technical, my favorite color is purple and has been for over two decades, but I love glitter. I love glitter on my clothes, in my nail polish, on my eyes and lips, and if I didn’t life with 3 boys, on my walls.  At some point, I want to be at a celebration where a wall of glitter falls upon us. Think end of Footloose…..

I have a Master’s Degree…..that I don’t use. I completed my Master’s in Law Enforcement when my youngest was an infant. I had every intention of working in the field of probation. However,the salary of a state employee is not enough to support a special needs family of 4. Do I regret the time and money I put into obtaining my degree? Definitely not!! I love education, and learning, and feel like it’s important to finish things when you’ve got people watching. 

 

I implore you, don’t wait until you’re 42. Stop apologizing now.

What things are you going to stop apologizing for?

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